The Commode

I was searching Amazon.com for “unisex pajamas” and it came back and asked me if I meant “unisex pandas”. Is there something about pandas I don’t know?

Last night as I was coming out of a party, I stumbled a bit as I noticed a car sitting not quite right. Or rather, it was sitting some place it should not be, namely, hanging off of a rock edge. Someone had apparently completely missed the drive, and driven from asphalt to strait off of an unprotected ledge.The car was sitting, stuck with it’s frame sitting on rock ledge and it’s front wheels lightly touching the ground beneath it. This was a mess.

I asked how they had missed the drive. One fellow responded that he had run into the sign next to the car, so he couldn’t really comment. Another fellow said that Andrew, the driver, hadn’t been wearing his glasses so he couldn’t see very well. Let that be a lesson to all who would drive around unmarked dangers with impaired vision.

A tow truck driver showed up and tried, unsuccessfully to drag the car back up the ledge, but it wasn’t working. Apparently the engine, or some such, was catching on the rock and he didn’t want to damage it. I can feel for the man, however a car that is left sitting on a ledge is just as undriveable as one that has had it’s engine shoved about by circumstance. Fortunately, we had the wisdom of men who were both tired, and looking for some way to entertain themselves.

We decided that we would simply lift the front of the car so the tow truck could pull it back. I would have done it by myself, using one hand, while reciting the Constitution, but other guys also wanted to join in the experience. Showing off our manliest muscles, we gathered about and flexed our manliest muscles while gripping the least flimsy pieces of the front of the car. With a single mighty grunt, we lifted forth the front of that metal beast to place it upon the softened soil ground it sought for. I think the tow truck may have helped too, I can’t be to sure. I do recall the frantic calls for someone to secure the emergency brake so that we would not soon be crushed by the car that we were holding in place with our combined weight.

I’ve always heard of groups of sizable football players moving tiny cars about in parking lots, but this was the first time I had ever had the opportunity to perform a feat like this myself. I’m pretty sure my pride grew an inch that night. I’m also pretty sure that my back shrunk an inch. A good night.